you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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