How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
