Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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