i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
