I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
