Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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