this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
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Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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