Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
