i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Never underestimate the power of titties
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
