im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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