when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
