From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
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The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
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How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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