My brain says no but my pants say off.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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