Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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