He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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