So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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