he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
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I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
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When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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