Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
