I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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