Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
