It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I am available for nakedness
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
