evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
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Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
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I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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