Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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