he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
