we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize