And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
