do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
