I think I won the penis lottery.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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