Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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