Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
