So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
