My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
