She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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