YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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