Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
