You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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