Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
