How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We are all done wearing pants today
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
