My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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