please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
