I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
