I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
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At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
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OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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