Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
