the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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