I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
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Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
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I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with