I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW