i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Houston, we have a squirter
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.