Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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