I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me