She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
