all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
