I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
