ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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