I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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