Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
