Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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