I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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