my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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