I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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