By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
