SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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