She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
