shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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