so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
