420 ftw
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
