I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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