i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
