My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
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Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
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Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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