Jerry, you need to find god
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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