Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
