Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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