Barsexuality is the new black.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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