I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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