It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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