Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
In America we eat man semen.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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