How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
