Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
