So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
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At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
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Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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