and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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